Pajeon and Makgeolli After the Audition at Insaninhae

The moment I stepped outside

When the preliminary round at the Embassy of Japan was over and I stepped outside, the first thing I felt was relief. Before I could decide how well I had done, my shoulders had already dropped. I had walked onstage and sung. Once the tension let up, I realized how hungry I was.

The timing of the round had thrown off lunch. I wanted to sit down somewhere I could stay awhile, even if it meant walking a bit. I headed toward Insadong.

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Insadong from a second-floor window

Insaninhae is up a flight of stairs. Its name means a sea of people, and the bustle felt welcome that day. Inside were wooden tables, the plain warmth of a traditional tavern and, from the window, a view straight down onto Insadong-gil.

People kept passing in the street below, but on the second floor I could take it in at a distance. The audition was still in my head. It helped to be somewhere that let me sit with it for a while.

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A pancake and a round of makgeolli

The order was easy: pajeon, a scallion pancake, and makgeolli, a milky rice drink. As the pancake arrived and we poured the first cups, I finally felt the day begin to wind down.

I took a bite and a sip. Only then did it hit me that the day was over.

I remembered the slip-ups, the words I had mixed up, and the moments when I could feel myself losing my place. One by one they stopped feeling so sharp. What stayed with me was that I had gone through with it.

The person across from me had entered the contest, too. We went over the difficult passages and the moments when we had felt most nervous. Eventually one of us said, “At least we did it.” A few cups in, we could say things that would never have come out onstage, and laugh about them.

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After the stage

Outside, the street was still busy. In the tavern, time passed at the speed of a pancake cooling on the table. I had prepared for weeks for a few minutes onstage. Now I could stop looking at the clock.

Looking back, I remember the window, the pajeon and the makgeolli as clearly as I remember singing. The stage was one part of the day. This was how I came back from it.