Lee Seo-jeong’s Winning Conversations — Knowing When to Speak and Listen

2024-04-28

Daily life means dealing with other people. Learning to speak with them without needlessly closing off the conversation is a skill that travels well from one part of life to another.

Much of what we say also comes through our face, tone and gestures. The words still matter, especially when another person needs to understand exactly what we are asking or trying to say.

A Book about How to Talk with People

Lee Seo-jeong’s Winning Conversations is a practical book about communication, with a particular interest in what we do with words.

The focus is narrower than public speaking. It is about the back-and-forth of ordinary conversation and the things that can make it go a little better.

Much of the advice will sound familiar. One purpose of a book like this is to put such advice in one place, where you can go back to it after seeing a situation differently.

Recognising an idea when you read it and remembering it in the middle of a conversation are different achievements. The second takes practice.

A Chapter at a Time

Each chapter takes up a different part of conversation. You can read it in short stretches. The headings also make a usable index of situations you might want to revisit.

Contents

  • Chapter 1. A Single Word Can Change What Something Is Worth
    • The tonic you take through your ears — praise
    • Praise and encouragement lose their value when withheld
    • Enough voices can melt gold
    • Words show something of your character
    • An ill-judged remark can be worse than silence
    • Learn to answer with tact
    • Words make room for more words
    • Shut your ears to talk that runs someone down
    • Once your words are out, they can take charge of you
    • A single remark can stop a barrage
    • On the art of conversation — Speech shows how we carry ourselves
  • Chapter 2. Words Have Force
    • Keep a conversation from dying away
    • A familiar catchphrase can change the mood
    • Say something that gives the other person pleasure
    • Find material for an animated conversation
    • Exaggeration can make you harder to take seriously
    • Listen with interest rather than a frown
    • Humour can give a conversation a good beginning
    • Refuse with a smile rather than in anger
    • Have a light remark ready for a first meeting 
    • A smile helps make a good first impression
    • On the art of conversation — Words cut both ways
  • Chapter 3. Think Today and Speak Tomorrow
    • Open with something easy to answer
    • There is force in a truthful remark
    • Courtesy can win people over
    • Give the other person a reason to meet you halfway
    • A positive tone shapes the conversation
    • A warm greeting brings an exchange to life
    • Give a first impression a chance to get past prejudice
    • Help the other person begin to speak
    • We have one mouth and two ears
    • Show the other person when you follow what they mean
    • On the art of conversation — A remark can change more than you expect
  • Chapter 4. The More You Say, the Less May Be Worth Saying
    • A gesture or a phrase can leave a strong impression
    • What people like to hear and what they would rather avoid
    • Don’t let disagreement look like an end in itself
    • Find information that gives the conversation substance
    • Use your voice so the point can be heard
    • Give strengths more room than weaknesses
    • Save the main point until the right moment
    • Don’t spend words carelessly
    • Acknowledge something worthwhile before you disagree
    • Avoid making people feel small by speaking over their heads
    • On the art of conversation — Better conversations improve everyday life
  • Chapter 5. A Road Depends on How You Walk It
    • Call the other person by name
    • Meet their eyes gently
    • Give your mouth a rest and listen
    • Hear someone out before trying to persuade them
    • Pretending to listen is easy to spot
    • A considerate remark tells people something about you
    • Invite the other person to contribute
    • Unqualified criticism makes enemies
    • Even a correction can leave room for a smile
    • Persuasion begins with something people can accept
    • On the art of conversation — Words have a purpose
  • Chapter 6. A Conversation Can Lift the Mood
    • Questions keep communication moving
    • A well-timed joke can loosen up a stiff room
    • A lively chat can change how you feel
    • An inviting question draws the other person in
    • Make a note of words or ideas that matter
    • Even an older person can listen seriously to a small child
    • A real apology comes before asking to be forgiven
    • Stay calm when you hear a different view
    • Sharing a confidence can build trust
    • Negotiation depends on how the exchange is handled
    • On the art of conversation — What good speakers tend to do
  • Chapter 7. A Word Can Travel Once It Leaves Your Mouth
    • Give people a reason to remember you as a good person to talk with
    • Show that you’re trying to understand
    • Let people recognise something distinctive about you
    • Leave on friendly terms even after a quarrel
    • Speak with confidence and follow through
    • Give a conversation a clear ending
    • Find a question the other person can say yes to
    • Begin where there is already some agreement
    • On the art of conversation — Sayings about words worth keeping

What Better Communication Takes

In my experience, formal practice in discussion took up less time in school than the number of discussions we would later need to have.

Most people will need to work things out with others every day. One use of this book is to pick a familiar piece of advice and see whether you can actually remember to use it when the occasion comes.

Book Information

Winning Conversations (Korean title, translated)

Author
Lee Seo-jeong
Publication date
18 July 2013
ISBN13
9788991113756
View the book on YES24

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